I'm Sorry, Elphie
by musicalvampirelove
Summary: Elphaba is dead, and Glinda wants her to know that she's sorry. For so many things... mostly bookverse, with musical elements. Rated because I really don't know for sure...


__**AN Yep, I've written another oneshot... I've actually started a multichap fic but it hasn't got more than 4 pages yet and that's not enough to start posting for me. And I'm not sure where I'm going with it anyway so far... whatever. As always, sorry for mistaked, feel free to correct a crazy German girl xD On we go.**

****Disclaimer:  
What do you think? It's MINNEEE! Er... okay... please, Glinda, put that away... Fiyero, NO need to point at me with your stupid gun, safe that for Glinda and the catfight scene! WOAH, Elphie, put that Grimmerie away, I'll say it, really! STOP THAT!

...Phew. Okay, it's NOT mine. (Happy now?) Wicked and the stuff belongs to Maguire and the others... I'm just borrowing it and changi it for my own purposes. There. At least it's fun.

_I'm sorry, Elphie_

Elphaba. Fabala. Elphie. Fae. The Witch, the Wicked Witch, the Wicked Witch of the West...

You've had many names in your life, Elphie. The one your mother gave you. The one your father used. The one I called you by. The one given to you as a disguise by the restistance. And the cruel one the citizens of Oz not only called you but turned you into being.

Why? Why did they do that? And more important, why did I allow it? I can't belive what I've done. You're not wicked, you've never done anything intending to hurt anyone. You were always just trying to help. I don't even like them calling you a witch. When I was young, I always wanted to be a witch, did you know that? I couldn't remember the word sorceress, so I decided to be a witch. I never thought it to be a bad thing, but the way they say that word when talking about you... It makes me sick. I can't hear it without crying. You are no witch, Elphie, do you hear me? You're not a witch, you are better than they think you to be, you are better than all of them together ever could be, me included. But no... you aren't. You _were_.

Elphie, can you see my face right now? Because if you do, let me tell you that I'm sorry. For so many things. For example for making you feel guilty with these stupid tears running down my cheeks **right now**. Don't tell me you don't feel guilty, I know it's a lie, Elphie. You always did. Every time I cried the first thing you asked was if you had done something wrong. You never did, Elphie, never. You didn't now either. Please, Elphie, I'm sorry, it's not your fault...

There are other things I am sorry for, so very sorry. For being mean to you back at Shiz. You didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve any of those terrible things that have happened to you. How could I be so cruel? The first evening after I mocked you in public, with those stupid girls, I was afraid to go back to the dorm. I expected you lying in your bed and crying because I had been so horrible. And then I came back and you just sat there, reading, ignoring me as you always did. I thought it just hadn't hurt you at all, so I could go on with it without getting a bad conscience because you wouldn't mind. You didn't cry. I didn't know ignorance was just your way to cope with things hurting you. I'm sorry, Elphie. Oh Elphie, why didn't you just let yourself cry back then? Maybe everything would have turned out different...

I'm sorry for just letting you go, you can't imagine how very sorry. I didn't fight for you, I didn't fight _with_ you. I just sat there and cried and watched as you faded away into the crowd like a ghost, and then the carriage started to move and all I did was cry. It was the first time in my life I didn't care about what the others were thinking. And you weren't there anymore. Would you have been proud of me? If you had known?

Oh Elphie, I was weak back then. I still am. It's not meant as an excuse because no excuse will ever make up for what I did. I don't even know why I'm saying it. You can't forgive me, nobody could. You can't even hear me. But I hope you can. Do you miss me, Elphie?

I'm sorry for being cruel to you at Colwen Grounds. Elphie, what have I done? Why have I done this? You always were the smarter one. Can't you explain to me how it was possible that I was so horrid to you – again? I had nothing to be mad about and yet I was and I don't know why. Why, Elphie? I should have called the girl back and give the shoes to you, we both know it would have been easily possible. Why did I have to yell at you? Why didn't I apologize afterwards?

I tried, the last time we saw each other. I think I tried. I know you heard me, but you didn't turn back and I can't even blame you. I've seen your face before you turned away and I nearly broke down seeing the grief and pain in your eyes. Would you have turned back if I had started to cry, Elphie?

There are so many things I'm sorry for. I should have saved you. I didn't even try. I should have been a better friend. You could have come to me, maybe you would have. Maybe you wouldn't have gone to Avaric and told him about you killing Morrible. Oh, Elphie, you could have survived, why didn't you come to me? You never liked Avaric anyway! You could have known better, Elphie, couldn't you? Or – well, perhapy you did know. Did you know? Did you plan it? I never understood your way of thinking. Did you know what would happen? You were always so sad... I never knew what to say, so I pretended not to notice. Elphie, I'm sorry. Did you want to die?

I've hurt you so often, Elphie, the entire world has. Life's been cruel to you, and I don't know why. It's not fair, I hope you know that. Don't blame yourself for anything. I don't know anybody who could be more blameless than you are.

I miss you, Elphie. I don't know how long I can stand making a happy face and telling those stupid Ozians how happy I am that you are dead. They don't know anything, and one day I'll just scream the truth in their blasted faces which always fail to hide the straw in their heads. They are much more brainless than that Scarecrow is, and much more heartless than that Tin Man. Can't tell about their courage, though... Oh, Elphie, I'm rambling. Usually you'd be here to prevent me from doing so, but you have gone, to a better place, I hope. If you listen to me right now you're probably rolling your eyes and frowning, you never believed in souls or the afterlife in the Other World. But Elphie, there is nobody in all of Oz with a soul as beautiful as yours is, I want you to know that.

I can hear them singing outside. It has been a year since that annoying farm girl was sent to kill you, and the Ozians are celebrating the public holiday. You always dreamed of a celebration throughout Oz that's all to do with you, didn't you? You told me once, on our way to the Emerald City. You thought I was asleep. Somehow you've gotten your wish, but instead of being happy I'm just crying even more when I think about it. Even though you might have thought it funny, sort of. You always were one for irony, and what could be more ironic than this?

_The Witch of the West is dead_. I don't want to hear this. You're not a witch. You're a sorceress. You're _good_, better than I can ever be, and yet they call _me_ Glinda the Good. Well, it probably wouldn't bother you anyway. You never believed in your powers, in your magic; it would have been much easier for you if you just had. I've heard about how you saved Chistery. What did you make yourself belive about how the lake turned to ice? Do you really think that ratty old broom would have flown for you without magic? It wasn't Nor. I hope you know that. Did you think yourself to be capable of _anything_ good? I worry that you've never believed in yourself, that you always hated yourself. I hope you don't.

I won't beg your forgiveness, Elphie, for I know you shouldn't forgive me even if you would. I won't forget you, and when the day of truth comes and my _dear fellow Ozians_ will assassinate me for it, please don't be mad at me. I can't do this forever. I'll try to make you proud, Elphie, I know you wouldn't like me to just hang around and engross in grief. I'll try.

I love you, Elphie. It wasn't given to me to be strong like you were, and I'm sorry. You were so strong, defying the Wizard, defying Madame Morrible, defying everyone. Defying gravity. Just as you are now, I know you do. You have to. I can't imagine you playing by the rules of the game we were playing anymore, and gravity belongs to that game, not to whatever game you're playing now. Probably your own one, you wouldn't accept the limits of another. I hope you're happy now, Elphie, because in Oz you never were.

I miss you, Elphie.

**AN Btw, I've found some sort of site... ... you can type your stories there and see like who you write or wrote them at least. It says this story has L. F. Baum's style (Actually, four of my other stories seem to have that, too... should I feel honored now? After all, he started the Oz stuff.)**

**Review?**


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